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Enough [28 Oct 2006|03:34am] I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright. I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. I wish enough "Hello's" to get you through the final "Goodbye Fill me in

Why worry? [21 Aug 2006|11:30pm] [ mood | contemplative ] [ music | Snow Patrol - Chasing Cars ] I have not posted on here in quite a while. My life is pretty hectic with work and school and getting to see my friends when I can (I am looking very forward to the next LAN). I recently realized how much time I spend doing something I call "micro-worrying". You know. When you worry about each and every little aspect of each and very little, seemingly important but actually not-soo-important thing. Sometimes it takes a big worry to make you realize how much time you spend on the little things that will mean nothing a week from now. "So, Ilianna," you may ask, "what do you mean and where is this ramble going?" It is going right over here. Please step this way. (Price is right hand gesture). As some of you know (and others of you do not). My father has been fighting cancer since Oct/Nov. of last year. On August 7, 2006 he underwent a very major surgery. "How major?" you may ask. He had a very large tumor occupying most of his thoracic cavity and it was wrapped around a majority of his intestines as well as pressing against his stomach and aorta. No local doctor would touch it. They told him it was inoperable and that he would just need to keep undergoing chemo and hoping for the best. My father, being the never-take-no-for-an-answer kind of a guy he is, decided that this was not good enough. He made an appointment with a specialist at Duke University Medical Center. He asked me to take him up to the Research Triangle area. Not just because it was a bad idea for him to drive in his post chemo state, but also for support and backup in listening to the Dr. and making a decision. After meeting with the Dr. the news was this. They could do the surgery. It would take 3 surgeons. They would need a vascular specialist on hand in case they had to do cutting on or around the aorta. The surgery was risky but doable and the Dr. felt good about his chances. As the Dr. went over the risk and potential outcomes I could see something in my father's eyes. It was a look of worry that I have never experienced in him. He sucked it up and scheduled the surgery. I knew that my father was sick, but listening to this Dr, who had done this so many times and seen so many different cases, go on and on about how big the tumor was (he was really in shock) I became very, very scared. The day of the surgery got closer and closer and I started to get this huge knot in my stomach. I worried and worried about what could go wrong. Would they get him open on the table and decide they could not go forward like last time? Would there be infection? Complications? The weekend before his surgery I talked to my dad on the phone. They had moved the date to the same week of my vacation and I was due to be out of town the day of the operation. I was telling my father how worried I was and that I thought it would be a good idea to cancel my vacation. He told me that worrying would not change anything and certainly would not help. He told me to go on my vacation. Have a great time. Take lots of wonderful pictures for him to look over when I got back and to please bring him back a nice Yankees baseball cap. I cannot tell you how much this brief conversation changed my outlook on the situation. The last time I had spoken with my father about his surgery he seemed nervous, jumpy and not a little scared. This time was totally different. He had a peaceful calm in his voice. Not just that. In the middle of all he was going through, his instinct was to comfort me in a very fatherly and loving way. I cannot tell you how much better that made me feel. It was like a dark cloud being lifted (cliché but true). I went on my vacation, and my dad had his surgery. Now it is 2 weeks later and he is out of the hospital. At this time he is cancer free and home with us recovering slowly but steadily. He is in pain but when I talk to him I can hear the relief in his voice. He seems to have gotten so much out of this seemingly horrible experience. A zest for life that I have set as a goal for myself. He plans to phase out of his corporate job and open his own photography studio (something he has wanted to do for years). I am so proud of my Dad. I am so grateful that he is well and I love him very very very much. We have not always been close, but in the years before he got ill, I had worked hard to change that. So when I start to worry I try to tell myself "Why worry when there could be so very much more to worry about?" I love you, Dad. -kp- 1 News Flash|Fill me in

[12 Feb 2006|02:29pm] [ mood | determined ] [ music | Gang Of Four ] Well, Dad finished his 2nd week of chemo. The outcome of all this remains to be seen since he is so tight lipped regarding everything. I get the impression that he doesn't like talking about it because saying how sick he is makes it seem more true. The good news is he is eating much better now and actually put on 2 pounds last week. That makes me feel a lot better since he is so startlingly thin. I am not sure when he will go back to work, but I think he is getting bored and maybe a little bit stir crazy. He can't really be around large groups of people, children or anyone who might be ill. He has to wear a surgical mask when he leaves the house because the chemo wreaks havoc on his immune system. Still, the family is doing their best to stay positive and we are trying to get a weekend together to help with some of the renovations on the house. Dad had made a lot of progress before he got sick, but with such a big overhaul (replacing plumbing fixtures, a new heating and cooling system ect.) it can seem a bit overwhelming at times. It's will be worth it though. I think finishing the house will give him a nice, comforting, familiar place to rest and recuperate. So please try to send some good, healing vibes Dad's way! Hope everyone is doing well. -ili- 1 News Flash|Fill me in

Gi meg en bunad og kum deg ut!!! [31 Dec 2005|01:29pm] [ mood | content ] As you can see, my lessons in the refined linguistic art of Norwegian are going swimmingly. I have learned enough to allow me to wing my way through the following delicate (and common) social situations: 1. Demanding traditional folk costumes from strangers. 2. Ordering people to leave my presence at once. 3. The necessary verbiage to be the first biracial, female Santa Clause in Norway (should the need arise). 4. What I DO NOT want to order as a starter at my next Norwegian office Christmas party. 5. How to thank someone for any of the above. Learning is fun. 'Cuz KNOWLEDGE IS POWER!!!!! *evil cackle* tee hee Happy New Year!!! -ili- P.S. Coming soon, my Top (insert number here) lists of 2005. 2 News Flashes|Fill me in

Pimpstress o' the week [24 Jun 2005|07:09pm] [ mood | dorky ] [ music | Gorillaz ] I am the featured member on pimpinlonline. Am I special or what? You can check it out at: http://www.pimpinonline.com If you join tell 'em Pimpstress# 3126 sent you. LOL 2 News Flashes|Fill me in

Stupid clutzoid dumbhead nong-nong! (Cross Post to Myspace) [02 May 2005|11:28pm] [ mood | nostalgic ] [ music | Watching Amazing Stories ] First off let me say that Brad, you in every and all ways rock! Thanks for turning a shitty day around and thanks for the "Family Dog". It was a silvery slice of joy. Now that I have that out of the way. Just a quick update as the semester winds down. School is very much kicking my hiney, but T minus one week (at the most) and counting. We have our final critique in Drawing on Thurs and I have it set in my mind that I am most likely not going to like what I hear. Ahh well. Moving right along. I look forward to the summer as it will be school-free. One of my buds may be coming over from France for a quick visit in July or August. I wish *I* could take a vacation. I'll keep it short and sweet because that Access test just fried my brain. Stay tuned for more crap after these messages -ili- 4 News Flashes|Fill me in

[20 Mar 2005|11:21am] [ mood | geeky ] [ music | My fave mixed minidisc ] HA HA! I am a bigger nerd than nerd1_e, how the hell did that happen? That's it. I need to get out more. Still, maybe I will get a chance to give him some pointers at the kite flying get together this afternoon, because I know he is looking forward to it almost as much as I am. 1 News Flash|Fill me in

Where, oh where can she be? [19 Mar 2005|02:48pm] [ mood | crushed ] [ music | Rossini - Il barbiere di Siviglia ] Hello folks. Another day, another reason to stay in bed. It's spring break and I am trying to get it together for my birthday. For some strange reason I seem to have my old friend Lesa on the brain. I have not seen her since she left Atlanta, and I cannot seem to stop thinking about her. I wonder where she is? I have no idea, but I wish I could find her because I miss her, no end. Talking to J. theses last few weeks has made me think about all the fun the three of us used to have. So wherever you are Lesa.... be well. April should be interesting. Yancey tells me he is planning on invading the area soonish and I cannot wait to see him. It has been ages and I have missed him being around. Also, my little Sheila is getting hitched and that is something I can just not wrap my head around. Who'd have thunk it? School is out in May, and I don't think I will be going for the summer unless it is just online classes. I am teetering on the edge of a pretty serious mental collapse, so maybe some time off is in order. Tomorrow I am going to take it easy, hang out with Tuffy and try to clear my head. The dull rambling is over. -ili- Fill me in

About me...Cross post from Myspace [06 Mar 2005|01:13pm] [ mood | blank ] [ music | read the post ] I figured since I went through the trouble, I may as well share it here too. *Section 1-* + Name: Karen + Lives in: Greenvegas, SC + Birthday: March 28 gifts and money accepted ;) + School: University of 291, Harvard on the Hill, Greenville Tech + Religion: I am full of spirituality. I feel like I don't need organized religion to have a dialogue with God. + Shoe/BOOT size: 8.5 + Hair color: Black, Sometimes Brown, On the rare occasion Red + Eye color: Brown...Like old shoe leather + Style: Yeah well, depends on who you ask ;) * section 2 - have you ever... * + Fallen off the bed?: Yes and Ouch! + Broken someone’s heart?: Once + Had your heart broken?: How much time do you have? Just easier to say yes. + Had a dream come true?: Yepper, that can freak you out a little + Done something you regret?: uh-huh. The last time was pretty recent. + Cheated on a test?: No, but maybe if I had I would not have to take that bloody Algebra test again * section 3 - currently * + Wearing?: Blue Shirt (that my mom commented this morning made my nipples look like "headlights"), Jeans, Sandles, my black carigan that everyone hates and thinks I should burn. + Listening to?: John Lennon - Real Love (Acoustic), Flaming Lips - Tangerine, Kid Creole and the Coconuts - Endicott, NIN - Something I Can Never Have, Morrisey - Suedehead, Massive Attack - Protection, Forgiving Iris - Annie Would I Lie to You, Rollins Band - Liar and Janis Joplin - Piece of My Heart. + Watching?: Bubbles bark at the door + What should you really be doing right now?: Work for my Comp Graphics class, but instead I am gonna go to the gym with Joe and then I am going to go to the park and ride my scooter + Brush your teeth?: Squeeky Clean + Have any piercings?: Yeah + Drink? Sometimes + Smoke?: I have been known to * section 5 - the last person you... * + Hugged?: Aaron, he has been trying to cheer me up + Kissed?: He knows who he is. + IMed?: Laurie + Talked on the phone with?: My daddy, I called him to see if the mail came because I did not want to go downstairs to ask him. How sad is that? + Yelled at?: I think I may have snapped at Joe when he called and woke me up this morning. I am not much of a yeller. * section 6 - personal * + What do you want to be when you finish college? Photographer of course. + What comes first in your life?: Family, Friends, Loved Ones, you know...and school until I am done. + What are you most scared of?: Always feeling the way I do right now + What do you usually think about before you go to bed?: I think about the fact that I am going to lie there for at least 2 hours before I can even think of closing my eyes. + Did you lose someone you really loved?: I have, and it was horrible. + How many times have you fallen in love?: I am not sure I know exactly what love is. By my definition, twice. + Love your family?: Always and forever, even though some of them do things that...well, you know + Love your friends?: My true friends are like family to me. * section 7 - favorite * + Store[s]: EBX, Hot Topic, Barnes and Nobel, CompUSA, Earshot, Thrift Stores r0x0r, Toy Stores are fun, Pretty much anything in little five points in Atlanta, Commander Salamander in Washington DC, and Rainbows in Folly Market Petersfield, Hants, Uk (I miss ya Judy). + Day of the Week: Saturday, although the last 2 weeks I have spent it at school. + Restaurant: In Greenville, The Melting Pot. That I have ever been to, Charlie Trotters in Chicago * section 8 - do you * + Like to give hugs?: Hugs are nice. + Like to give kisses?: to the right person + Like to walk in the rain?: If I know I have some place to get dry afterward + Prefer black or blue pens?: Black + Sleep on your side, stomach or back?: My side + Have a goldfish?: no :( + Ever have the falling dream? Too often + Have stuffed animals?:Yeah, but some of them are pretty strange. * section 9 - what do you think about... * + Abortion: It's a personal choice, a woman can do whatever she wants to her body + Suicide: I have wanted to do it, but I could never hurt my family that way. It's not a real solution anyway. + Eating disorders: Suck ass + Summer: Can be great if you have the right people around to enjoy it with + Piercings: Bring it on! * section 10 - this or that * + Pierced nose or tongue?: Used to have a pierced septum. + MTV or BET?: MTV + 7th Heaven or Dawson's Creek?: Can't I just gouge my eyes out? + Sugar or salt?: Salt, not that either one is good for a diabetic Fill me in

Stay calm little dreamer [06 Mar 2005|02:09am] [ mood | morose ] [ music | John Anderson -Straight Tequila Night (you better believe it), Bad Company - Alright Now, Johny Cas ] That's it. I've had it. I am going to move to Nepal and become a Sherpa. Alrighty Dighty, Had to get that out of my system. I am making this post by direct request, so it is sure to suck because I have nothing to say. So yeah, long time no post. I have been, and I know you have heard this before, a very busy girl. I'll be quick with the details. I am back in school and this semester I am taking drawing I, Comp. Graphics and Intro to Comp (they MAKE you take it). My intro to comp class is an online course. HELLO! Who had that bright idea? Anywhosies, I know I should have more to say, but I am what you might call blue and my brain is a little numb. You guys will be happy to know that I am getting bitter and soon hope to be a much meaner person. I want to develop a general loathing and disdain for my fellow man until I have no tolerance for anyone and can be perfectly happy sitting in my room and cursing the rest of the world. See? Coming along nicely is it not? I feel like a big loser. Yet I am still working hard to find a perm. full time gig and going to school. If I cannot enjoy my life I may as well fill it with as much stuff as possible to pass the time away. Everyone is doing great (except me). Mom's cool. K. and the kids are cool. Furie is threatening to visit. I will believe that when I see it. My little Sheeeler is getting married next month so I am going to be involved in some sort of estrogen driven, hell raising, I-will-hate-myself-for-that-in-the-morning, bachelorette party. Those are always fun. I am still not sure I have recovered from when Heather got married. I am getting ready to put a site together for Lu. I cannot wait to show her off. But I have to because Rusty seems to have taken off to Ga. for some undisclosed amount of time. So when he gets back he owes me some sketches and a tattoo, or I'm kicking his ass. What else? Nothing. That is pretty much it. Life is a heap. Hope none of my dolor is wearing off on the rest of you. Calgon....take me away......NOW DAMNIT! -ili- PS It's gonna cut off my current music so let me finish that list here Johny Cash and Willie Nelson -Ghost Riders in the Sky, The Pretenders - Brass in Pocket, Tool - Prison Sex, Billie Holiday - Stormy Weather, The Church - Under the Milky Way, AFI - God Called in Sick Today, Sneaker Pimps with Portishead - Water, and of course Rollins Band - Low Self Opinion. A lot of songs for such a short post? Yeah well I got side tracked. 2 News Flashes|Fill me in

So this is my life... [05 Dec 2004|06:36pm] [ mood | pensive ] [ music | the kitty meowing ] So the weather is turning cold and this semester of school is winding down. Life has been pretty hectic (thus my lack of time to update) and the holidays are getting closer by the moment. I have been spending most of my time on study and jobhunting. One is going much better than the other. =) I am looking forward to the holiday break as a chance to recover from these many months worth of crap and start back to school in Jan. with a much clearer head. I have had very little time to spend with my friends and family, who I care about very deeply. I am hoping that I get to see them all more over the break. I hope everyone is doing well and plugging along. 3 News Flashes|Fill me in

Hello Everyone [16 Nov 2004|04:12am] Sorry I have not written in a while. Things have been very hectic here in ole SC. The baby is here. She was born on Nov 2 and she is just beautiful. I will post some pictures as soon as I get some money to have the film developed. On another note. I miss my dogs so much. I had no idea that when Marten took them I would not be seeing them again for this long. I am hoping for a chance to get them back when I go to court. I have no idea when that will be though. Most likely in the 6 months to a year range. I cry every time I think about them. They were like children to me. Ah well. I will write more later. I have to get in the bed because I have an algebra test in the morning. I hope everyone is doing well and I will talk to you again soon. -ili- 1 News Flash|Fill me in

[21 Oct 2004|08:18pm] [ mood | exhausted ] [ music | Silence ] Hello Again from cold, rainy upstate south carolina. These have been a long couple of months. I am tired from lack of sleep. Things are pretty rough right now. I have no money and no food, but the at least I have a roof over my head for now. I had to drop one of my classes as the Dr. feels that I am doing too much already. Speaking of the Dr., I am having some possible heart trouble so I get to spend 24 fabulous hours hooked up to a heart monitor. To top it all off, I have to go to court on Oct. 27, where I will be forced to see the "man" that used to be my husband. He is in the process of trying to do such sweet things as make me pay his lawyer fees and having my health insurance canceled. Now I don't know about you, but I think you would have to pretty much be a heartless beast to leave your spouse for someone else and then expect them to pay the legal charges you incur. Then again, trying to yank a sick person's health insurance does not make you eligible for "man of the year" in my opinion either. I am sure he is not overly concerned with my plight anyway, since he is out spending money purchasing sex toys for his new girlfriend. He could not even wait for the separation hearing to shack up with her. It would seem Marten is old hat at this whole thing. I am told this is the same thing he pulled on his first wife. I would like to take this time to thank the people who have been such good friends to me. You guys rock. Pray for me, send me good vibes and meditate in my direction that things will go well on Oct. 27. -ili- 7 News Flashes|Fill me in

[12 Oct 2004|07:32pm] [ mood | accomplished ] [ music | Dead Can Dance ] Hatching Project 3 News Flashes|Fill me in

A Lesson In Patience [12 Oct 2004|07:19pm] [ mood | creative ] [ music | Toploader ] Main Entry: 1pa·tient Pronunciation: 'pA-sh&nt Function: adjective manifesting forbearance under provocation or strain Nobody likes to wait. Waiting on something when you are working to finish it is even harder. These last few weeks have been rough. The good news is I am still here. My latest assignment for design class was also a lesson in patience. I will post it when I get some time. Fill me in

[02 Oct 2004|12:05am] [ mood | hopeful ] [ music | Rossini ] So then, How is everyone? Things here are going as well as can be expected. As many of you know, Marten took off to be with some 19 year old he met online. He swears it's not like that but, oh well. He left me with no money and no way to live. The good news is I saw my lawyer today and things are really looking up. I am in school right now and I am doing my best to maintain a good average. I started out hating my design class, but the longer I am in it the more I like it. I have made some nifty new friends at school and all of my old friends are great to have around also. I sure hope everyone is doing well out there. Hope to talk to you all soon. 1 News Flash|Fill me in

Richard Avedon Dies [01 Oct 2004|04:06pm] Another of my favorite photographers has passed away. Rest in Peace Richard Avedon. Fill me in

Happy Anniversary to me (and Thog)! [13 Sep 2004|12:49am] [ mood | optimistic ] [ music | The puppy and Thog snoring in unison. ] Today is the 5th wedding anniversary of Thog and I. I am not sure what we are going to do, but I have been told it will be fun. I have spent most of this weekend working on a project for my design class for critique tomorrow. I tell you I have a million black shapes floating around in front of me. The blister from the X-acto knife is also quite lovely. LOL I hope you are all doing well. I am sticking with it. Later Taters, -ili- 1 News Flash|Fill me in

Edumacation [24 Aug 2004|02:13am] [ mood | depressed ] [ music | people chattering before class ] Well ladies and gentleman, I have finally stared school. Despite the fact that these last few weeks have been very hard, I still feel good about being back on the road to my degree. School is proving to be a great distraction from the fact that the rest of my life has gone to crap. Maybe that will change one day soon. Send me good vibes toward schooland the rest of my life. Every little bit helps. -ili- 4 News Flashes|Fill me in

Here is the Tat.... [06 Jul 2004|11:48pm] Here is a piccie of my last tat. Hoping for another by the end of july. More on thise weekends festivities to come. I am still recovering. LOL Dragonfly tattoo. Later taters. 5 News Flashes|Fill me in

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